Working Only to Please Others Takes Your Power Working to be Authentic Brings Power Back and Working to Find a Happy Middle Allows Harmony for All
By Patty L. Fletcher
September 19, 2026
Earlier this month, I allowed myself to be triggered due to something I read, which it turned out, I misunderstood.
The blessid portion of that story is that the person had the decency as a true friend to call me on my behavior and what I wrote to them because of that. Misunderstanding what was written or not, I was wrong in the way I dealt with my reaction, and how I spoke to them.
This was a big lesson for me and one I didn’t take lightly. I have realized that I’ll need to earn their trust in me and how I behave around them and I’m prayerfully going forward with that endeavor. It is something I one day hope to accomplish.
I know I cannot go back to what we had. I lost that. That’s totally one hundred percent on me.
Now, fast-forward to another situation.
People Pleasing.
At the same time that I’m working to earn the trust of someone I care deeply for and never want to lose under any circumstance, I must remember that People Pleasing can be just as detrimental as pushing someone too harshly whether you agree with them or not. Yes, I was doing to them the very thing that upset me to see others doing but wait. If I go off in the other direction it can be just as bad. And I know, that’s not at all what others want from or for me.
The following is what I came up with after I plugged all my journal notes and prompts into the Chat GPT.
It has of course been added to Etc. by me.
I just let the Chat write the framework.
For much of my life, I have worried about what other people think of me. I have worried about whether they are happy with me, whether I have disappointed them, whether I have said the wrong thing, and whether something I have done might cause them to leave.
So, when I heard the statement, “Working Only to Please Others Can Take Your Power.” It struck a nerve.
This is a very hard topic for me to participate in because people pleasing can feel like kindness. It can feel like caring about others and trying to make sure everyone around us is comfortable and happy. But there is another side to it.
People pleasing can become a way of worrying about and trying to control another person’s feelings.
If I do everything right, maybe they won’t be angry.
If I say yes, maybe they won’t be disappointed.
If I keep my own feelings to myself, maybe there won’t be conflict.
If I explain myself well enough, maybe they will understand and approve.
The trouble is, when I live that way, I am no longer being completely authentic. I am measuring my choices according to someone else’s possible reaction rather than according to what I know is right for me.
And that diminishes growth.
One statement from the lecture especially stayed with me:
“The moment you stop caring about what other people think about you is the moment that you start caring about yourself.”
I don’t believe that means we should literally stop caring what anyone thinks. Other people have valuable perspectives, and sometimes we need to hear things about ourselves that are uncomfortable. Being authentic does not mean becoming inconsiderate.
For me, the challenge is learning the difference.
I can listen actively and respectfully to another person’s point of view without automatically making it my own. I can hear that someone is disappointed without immediately trying to fix their disappointment. I can disagree with someone without believing that disagreement means the relationship is ruined.
Most importantly, I can begin learning that another person’s feelings belong to them.
That does not give me permission to be cruel or careless. I should strive to be impeccable with my words and actions. I should take responsibility when I am wrong. I should apologize when an apology is warranted.
But I also must allow myself to be authentic.
That requires boundaries.
Setting boundaries has sometimes sounded harsh to me, as though putting up a boundary means shutting someone out. I am beginning to understand it differently. Setting a limit with someone else can be a way of saying yes to myself.
Sometimes that means simply saying no.
No explanation.
No long defense.
No frantic attempt to make the other person agree that my no is reasonable.
Just no.
Of course, I can explain if I want to. There is nothing wrong with telling someone why I cannot or do not want to do something. The important part is understanding that an explanation is something I choose to give, not something I always owe.
Another lesson I need to practice is thinking before answering.
People pleasing can make an immediate yes almost automatic. Someone asks for something, and before I have considered whether I have the time, energy, desire, or ability to do it, I have already agreed.
Then I may find myself overwhelmed, resentful, exhausted, or wishing I had answered differently.
There is nothing wrong with saying, “Let me think about that.”
That small pause gives me the opportunity to ask myself an important question: Am I saying yes because I truly want to, or am I saying yes because I am afraid of what this person will think or feel if I say no?
I am learning that confidence does not require becoming hard. Boundaries do not require becoming unkind. Authenticity does not require disregarding the feelings of others.
Maybe the goal is balance.
I can care about another person without taking responsibility for every emotion they experience.
I can listen without surrendering my own point of view.
I can say no without writing an essay explaining why.
I can make a mistake without believing I must somehow repair everyone’s opinion of me.
And I can think before I answer.
For someone who has spent a great deal of time worrying about what others think and feel, none of this comes easily. It is something I must practice.
But perhaps each time I set a healthy limit, speak honestly, or give myself permission to say no, I am not taking something away from someone else.
I am simply saying yes to me.
I must learn to allow others to be themselves while allowing myself the same and we must work for a more well-blended life for all.
Patty L. Fletcher – Author and Content Promoter.
About Patty L. Fletcher
Updated November 2024
Patty L. Fletcher is a woman of passion and exploration.
She studies the art of manifestation and is a seeker of knowledge and the wisdom to know what to do with it when it’s learned.
To learn more visit: https://pattysworlds.com/about/
If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start from any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.
Mary Pickford