Good morning everyone!
I hope this posting finds you doing well.
Here, my writing muse has been chittering wildly in my ear and there’s nothing to do for it but break down and right!
This began at just after 7 AM this morning, as a rant in my journal and for reasons known only to the muse has turned into an excerpt from a book that is two years off! Go figure! I’d leapfrog from just having finished and published Book one to writing something that will eventually go into book three.
The greatest part about this is, I took yet another negative and turned it into productive Positivity!
Well, here goes… I’m bravely sharing this raw unedited piece with you!
Why Do I Cry?
An unpublished Excerpt from Pathway to Freedom Broken and Healed: Book Three a Look Within a Look Without
By: Patty L. Fletcher
March 13, 2021
- THE SELF LOATHING RETURNS…
MARCH 13, 2021
MOON PHASE NEW
I hated my tears. Hated myself, even more for crying them. Why in all hell was I crying? I mean, I’d done without him for two and a half years before allowing him back into my life, hadn’t I? Hadn’t I learned to live totally on my own? Hadn’t I learned to be totally self-sufficient and wasn’t I proud of the new woman I’d become?
Yes, to all those things. So, why did the fact that he’d not bothered to text in nine days bother me? Why did it bother me that when he had and I’d mentioned it had been nine days since I’d heard from him and I’d told him it had been, he’d come back with a big, huge list of all this junk he had going on, when I knew already, he’d been texting with my daughter during that time?
When he’d texted his long laundry list of all his goings on and I’d replied, “I knew some of that from the grapevine.” Hadn’t he wondered what grapevine? I mean, unless she told him, he didn’t know my daughter Polly and I had reconnected, so why the hell didn’t he ask, what grapevine?
Because I’m nothing more than an afterthought. That’s why. At least that’s how he makes me feel.
“Dump the asshole!” You’re sitting there yelling at your device. “Didn’t you get enough abusive treatment from Donnie?”
Well, yeah, but this is not some jerk wad like Donnie. It’s my father. The man who gave me life. The man who helped raise me, such as my raising was. The man who is supposed to love me, be proud of who I am and all I’m accomplishing. The man who for all intents and purposes, doesn’t seem to give a damn.
In 2017, shortly after I’d been released from the nursing therapy facility where I’d spent nearly a month recovering from the devastation a rogue UTI and partial kidney shutdown had wrought upon my body, dad and I had become estranged from one another and to this day, I still don’t know the truth of why. His brother, my uncle had died and my father, had waited until one hour before the funeral to let me know when and where it was. He’d known, I wouldn’t have time to get ready. Had known also, that I’d have no way to get there because he “had to go early to tend to things.” Had known all of the other family going wouldn’t have time to rearrange their schedules to come and get me. He had done this thing and when I asked why, he refused to say.
A few days later, when I called to try and find out why he’d been so thoughtless toward me we’d fought and when I’d finally had enough, I stated, “OK Dad, if you won’t tell me why you treated me this way, then I guess we just won’t talk anymore.”
His reply? “Then I guess we won’t talk.”
- BREATHLESS TERROR…
Flashforward to Mid-summer 2019.
My heart pounded and my mouth went dry as I listened to Lynn, my EX retired supervisor’s voice coming to me from what seemed a cavernous distance. “So, are you sure? He’s really getting out. Why are they releasing him early?”
“He’s served eighty five percent of his sentence, so he’s applied for early release.”
“What will that require?” I asked, whilst stamping down the terror which threatened to burst free.
“He’ll have to have a place to live and someone to vouch for him.”
“Good luck with that!” I laughed, sarcasm dripping like venom from my voice.
“Listen Patty. I really think Donnie’s sorry…”
“Sorry? Are you kidding? Me and all the rest he destroyed are just supposed to accept his apology and move on as if none of his perverted, abusive behavior ever happened?”
“Look Lynn, I love you and we had a great run together at Contact Concern but I at least, have come to the reality of who and what Donnie is and if you can’t then I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you not to contact me anymore.”
Later, as I sat trying to wrap my head around the fact that I might have to face the noisome monstrosity from my past sooner than I thought, it dawned on me that Donnie would go to my dad’s looking for me. I saw no good coming from that and so decided to text him to let him know. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I brought up what I assumed was still dad’s number and texted, “Dad, this is Patty, I’m assuming this is still your number. Sorry to let you know like this, but Donnie might be getting out early and I didn’t want him showing up on your doorstep without your having been warned.”
One thing had led to another and before I knew it dad had come to see me and Campbell after which we’d slowly begun rebuilding our relationship with one another.
So, now, here I sit, my coffee grown cold in the cup, tears drying on my cheeks, trying to figure out why the fact that still after all the two of us have been through not to mention I’m the only natural daughter he has I seem to be nothing more than a passing shadow flitting through his mind and furthermore, asking, “why do I care?”
About Patty L. Fletcher
Patty Fletcher is a single mother with a beautiful daughter, of whom she is enormously proud. She has a great son-in-law and six beautiful grandchildren. From April 2011 through September 2020 she owned and handled a black Labrador from The Seeing Eye® named King Campbell Lee Fletcher A.K.A. Bubba. Sadly, after a long battle with illness on September 24, 2020 King Campbell went to the Rainbow Bridge where all is peace and love. It is her hope to one day return to The Seeing Eye® for a successor guide.
Patty was born one and a half months premature. Her blindness was caused by her being given too much oxygen in the incubator. She was partially sighted until 1991, at which time she lost her sight due to an infection after cataract surgery and high eye pressure. She used a cane for 31 years before making the change to a guide dog.
WHERE SHE LIVES AND WORKS…
Currently, Patty lives and works in Kingsport, Tenn.
She’s the creator and owner of Tell-It-To-The-World Marketing (Author, Blogger, Business Assist), The Writer’s Grapevine Online Magazine and the creator and host of the Talk to Tell-It-To-The-World Marketing Podcast.
Patty writes with the goal of bridging the great chasm which separates the disabled from the non-disabled.
Patty L. Fletcher
Self-Published Author and social Media Marketing Assistant
See my newest release Pathway To Freedom Broken and Healed: Book One How a Seeing Eye Dog Retrieved My Life Second Edition and all my other published work on sale from 03/07-03/13/2021 at: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/PattyFletcher