I Didn’t Get Here Over-Night

I Didn’t Get Here Over-Night

Good morning everyone.
Today has been one source of frustration for me after another.

I have to say, I now have a clearer understanding of those who act out in angry ways who are in poverty stricken situations.

This morning I have encountered such frustration as I’ve ever seen, and when you pick them apart, look at them one by one, they seem trivial, but when you put them all together they snowball, and next thing I know I’m so stressed, and frustrated I just want to break something.

First, when I woke up this morning, I had a message from a friend wanting info on where to go to get psychiatric help. So, I messaged them back both on messenger, and via text, and have yet to hear back from them. I keep my phone turned off at night, so I don’t know if this person got my messages, and is now seeking help, or if they felt alone, ignored, and have retreated.

Next, I went to make some coffee, and ended up with one more mess.

My coffee-pot is on the fritz, and so I’m having to boil water, and pour through the grounds, and this morning I used a container I thought would make that process easier, only to find out that it was cracked, and that would not have been so bad except that I found out about said crack after it was full of the fracken coffee. GRRRR!!!

Then there’s the problem of being so close to the edge financially that I am struggling to keep food in the house.

Living day to day, hand to mouth is starting to get the better of me, and I can say, “I’m taken care of for this minute, and this minute is all there is, but damn it! I’m simply tired of always having to figure out where the very next meal is going to come from.

I’d like just one day to be able to go into my kitchen, make a food selection, fix said food, and sit down to eat with no more thought than it took you to read that sentence.

I know I should be grateful for that which I have, and I am but dang!!!

So, what to do?

Well, first thing was first. I had prayer for the friend I can now not reach.

Then I cleaned up my coffee mess, and finally managed a half pot of coffee.

Then I washed my dishes, had a jello fruit cup, gave thanks, and decided that I did not get into this situation overnight, and I won’t get out of it overnight.

Oh yes, one more thing…

I’m learning to use WordPress on this computer, have not done it since all the updates, so if a few posts come out weird, just be patient, I’m working on it.

Yeah! I needed one more thing to frustrate me this morning.

Well, this is the frazzled, and frustrated Patty, and King Campbell A.K.A Bubba who hardly becomes so saying…

May harmony find you, and blessid be.

2 Comments

  1. Danielle Ledet Reply
    October 22, 2017

    Geez. I know what you mean. Know that you are not alone. I will pray for you and your situation. It sounds so similar and what you said about when you put it all together it’s disasterous is correct and validation enough for me. I have decided to remedy my situation which is only getting worse by the day by going back to school. There is not safe affordable housing available anywhere and no government help has opened up. I have gotten on medications to help me deal. though it hasn’t been said I’m sure I am bipolar with some schizophrenia mixed in or vice versa. I take meds to counter the depression and one for bipolar/schizophrenia, which is in the family. I am not ashamed, knowing that I didn’t cause this, but a little leery of disclosing this to persons who might need to know. People start treating you differently and from a distance once they know you have mental problems. I am probably ADD as well but that hasn’t been addressed and I can’t take those sort of drugs here because they come up missing. Reason I say this, because I have trouble keeping focused and sometimes make impulsive decisions, that for the most part, I have been able to correct without lasting harmful consequences. I am also tired a lot and very easily and pained physically though not recently. So may be some sort of immune problem like lupus, which is in the family, arthritis, or fibromyalgia. I’m working on that. Is fibromyalgia a sort of arthritis? I never was clear on that. Whatever I hope I am still eligible to get another dog guide. Please pray for my success academically and medically.

    1. First, thanks for reading, and for having the courage to speak here.

      Second, you most likely will get another guide, but my advice, is wait until your living situation is just a bit more stable.

      You don’t want more expense if you’re already having trouble.

      Much as I love having Campbell, should he suddenly have to retire or pass away I would wait to get another until I were a bit more stable, because when I suffer he suffers.

      Fortunately for me at the present time I am able to get free vet care, and have gotten ahead on his food.

      So for now his needs are met.

      As far as Fibro goes, it is a disorder put in the simplest terms that causes the pain signals in your body to misfire.

      I may write a post, with factual links about that later on.

      The first thing there is to get correctly diagnosed.

      I have and I take good medication for it that is non-narcottic.

      Thing with me right now is that I simply cannot get off this edge financially that I am on.

      I see light at the end of the tunnal though and know that it is only a matter of time before I get straight.

      I am fortunate to live in a good rental home that is in a great location, making it easy for me to get bus service, walk, and meet lots of my needs getting to and from places I need to go on my own, but there are so many small things wrong that need fixing.

      I’ve found a good women’s center, and we’re going to start picking apart the issues that plague me and when I told the coordinator of being told over and over, “Your problems go beyond the scope of what we do here.” She said, “What does that mean? You simply take each problem one at a time, and work until you find a solution.”

      I believe that many times I have had solutions but have lacked the self discipline to make them stick.

      This time I want things to be different.

      I am going to be fifty-years old in just a few weeks. I have come through some very bad sicknesses, and am just now getting clear of them.

      I fear I’m on my last go round and if I do not get it together this time, I won’t get another chance.

      As far as the mental illness goes, I stopped caring about what people think. I started taking care of me, and my mental illness correctly.

      If you’re not fully diagnosed, get that way. If you need meds you fear taking, buy a lock box, and stand tall in the face of anyone who would try and take it.

      Become extremely pro-active witih your care.

      Yes, I get on this blog and vent, because everyone has got to have a release, but I’m also busting my ass to make it better, and to keep it that way.

      It sounds like you’re starting down that sort of path, and my advice is do not let anyone or anything stand in your way.

      I have family that live quite literally ten minutes from me, whom I no longer see.

      I’ve not actually sat down and had a conversation to know why, but as far as what I can tell it goes a bit like this.

      Patty stopped dealing drama. Stopped going along with what dad said, and started standing up to him, and patty said, either treat me right or get the hell out of my world.

      So, actions speak, and they’re not here. Their problem. I decided maybe it is they who are not worthy of me, in stead of the other way round.

      No one will care for you like you will, so do a good job.

      I’m trying to do that.

      For now I’ve had lunch thanks to meals on wheels. Where will dinner come from? What will it be? I have no clue.

      It might not be at all, but I’m in a house, not on the street, and even though I’m pretty much on my own with very small support system, I at least no longer have people around me who take advantage, talk to and about me as if I were trash, and behave in ways which stress me to the max!

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