Finding My Way Back

Finding My Way Back

Finding My Way Back

Patty L. Fletcher
October 2016
Hello Readers!
I hope this day finds you well. I’m writing today to let you know of my plans to try to find the path back to the goals I had when I first began my journey of writing. It is my hope that with this writing I can undo some of my past, and enable myself to go forward into the future in a better and more productive way.
As many of you know I have made many mistakes in the last few years. Some of those mistakes have been very costly. I have lost friends and even family due to these mistakes,and I’ve come to realize that sometimes no matter how many times you apologize, no matter what you do some simply will not give you a chance to redeem yourself no matter how hard you try. The rational part of my mind says walk away. You’ve done all you can. My heart simply refuses to get with the program.
I simply cannot seem to quiet the hurt. The pain that I live with each day is something that words cannot describe because they have not yet been invented. I don’t have them within me at all. 
When we are young we’re taught to apologize for what we do wrong, and that once this is done to not repeat the offence. This is where I stumble. This, I am going to attempt to explain.
It is my hope that you will come to at the very least understand me a bit better. Once this writing is complete I don’t plan to ever publically mention these things again. Because once I’ve told the rest of my story it is my hope that I will have come to where I intended to be in the first place, and that the work I intended can continue.
Now, I’m not going to write a bunch of excuses. That won’t work. What I have decided to do instead if those who assist me are willing is to blog a few chapters at a time my second book. For me it is no longer a matter of publishing to sell books, or make money. I’ve given up on that dream. At least for now. At this time what I want is understanding, forgiveness, and closure. Will this happen? I don’t know. I cannot know until I take the chance and try. As I say, over the next few months if those who assist me are willing, my second book, The Raw Truth: Campbell’s Rambles Book Two will appear on my blog.
It is my hope that folks will read it. It is my hope that when you do you will come to know me a bit better, and that those whom I’ve wronged will finally at the very least find it in their hearts to acknowledge and forgive me. More importantly, it is my hope that with the writing of this, that I will acknowledge and forgive myself.
That ladies and gentlemen would indeed be a true healing, and would once and for all enable me to continue with my head held high and to once again be proud of whom I am. I no longer expect a happy ending. I know from much experience those only happen on the Hallmark Channel, and that’s OK. If this does as I wish it will do more than just give me what I desire.
Since the writing of Campbell’s Rambles: How a Seeing Eye Dog Retrieved My Life I have gotten some pretty neat letters and notes from readers. I’ve learned that there are others out there like me. Some of whom have been through similar circumstance as have I, and I have learned that my book helped them. It is my finest wish that this writing will also help people suffering in silent horror to allow themselves to come from their darkness into the light. In The Raw Truth: Campbell’s Rambles Book Two you will learn of the abuse I suffered, and hid. You will learn of how my mental illness spun frighteningly out of control, and you will learn what I have begun to do to try and bring it back under control. You will learn of how some have reached out to help, to acknowledge my effort, and you will also learn of how some have continued to ignore me, causing me to feel tossed aside.
Now, I want to qualify that statement. I want you to realize that it is only because I allow them to make me feel this way that it is so. No one person can truly cause another to do or feel anything if the person doesn’t wish it. It is my job and mine alone to stop that and it is my hope that with the telling of this story that it can be so.
Until then, I hope that you all are happy healthy and well.
Thanks for reading.
May harmony find you. Blessid be.

5 Comments

  1. Reblogged this on Claire Plaisted – Indie Author and commented:

    Forgiving yourself to help FIND your way back to the real you and HEAL

  2. I just want to say thank you Claire I appreciate you helping me so much. I have had so many awesome people along my path. Some of them I have lost due to my own stupidity and illness. I’m going to work very hard, and by the spring, when all the new flowers bloom, so will lie!

  3. Thank you for sharing. Self Forgiveness is the hardest but you can’t truly forgive the other person unless you also forgive yourself.

    1. This is very true. However, it is much more than that. Not only do I want to find self forgiveness, and to be able to forgive others, I want to be forgiven, acknowledged, and once again excepted. I thank you all for the support I’ve been given. Both public, and private. I look forward to the day when my story can be told. It is coming soon. It is my hope, that people will read, and understand. It is my hope that the silence will finally be broken. That others will speak. Their thoughts finally known. It is not always true, that no news is good news. It is not always true that silence is golden. Some tell me that I might not want to know. I understand their meaning. However, at this point, the not knowing, is more dangerous for me and knowing would be. Even if it hurts badly to know what the other thought it would be better than the hill I live with now.

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