Finding Freedom In No

Finding Freedom In No

Do you have trouble saying no? Do you try to please everyone on planet?
I have a devil of a time, saying no to people. I want to do everything for everyone. I have in the past, gone along with things or people, or done things which at times even made me uncomfortable or pressed me into crunch time, just to keep from upsetting, or disappointing someone.
Now, I’m working on learning to say no. In fact, on Monday when things were out of sorts due to a plethora of maintenance issues, I said no to someone’s request.
I simply couldn’t do it, there was no immediate need, and I heard myself saying no and felt no guilt.
It was liberating.
There was a time, when I’d have tried to make a way to meet their request. Somehow that day, I found the courage to say no.
Below is an article which sums up things and adds a few more nuggets of wisdom.
Thanks for reading, and enjoy.
Please do share your experiences.
Appears to say: DailyOM
INSPIRATION
Appears to be: wild daisies in a meadow
Oxeye daisy
Finding Freedom in No
Saying no to somebody when we’re used to saying yes, can be challenging because of our fear of rejection.
Many of us, from childhood on, were taught that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learned that acceding to demands allowed us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is indelibly intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, and compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive when facing this challenge is true freedom of choice.
When others ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are acquiescing out of a desire for approval or to stave off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate your personal power by saying no, you may feel compelled to explore the myriad consequences of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no” may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.
There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind, it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes almost always has a cost, you can feel good about offering your agreement when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values and your appreciation for the appeal before you.

Patty L. Fletcher
Bridging the great chasm which separates the disAbled from the non-disAbled

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *