MAY 7, 2021.

MOON PHASE WANING.

When I woke this morning, feeling as tired and out of sorts as I’d been when I went to bed, I knew I’d have to push myself harder than normal to get through the day. Sometimes, even if I’m in the greatest mood in the world, which I was and still am because my awesome daughter and six grands are coming to visit, I still must push through the exhaustion and pain of Fibromyalgia. There are times when the brain fog and fatigue threaten to knock me flat of my tail and kick me over, but I know to give in to it very often will lead to complete shut down and on this morning before my family was to arrive there was no time to allow that.

Throwing off the covers which were damp due to my having had night sweats, I immediately began shivering thanks to the shock of the cool air in the room setting off chills.

After saying a prayer for healing, I staggered into the bathroom to fill the tub. I knew there was nothing to do for this but to get on with the business of the day. I hoped the hot water would dispel some of the aches and fatigue and maybe even clear my head.

By the time I was out of the tub and dressed I was feeling a tad bit better, so with a glass of cold water, I swallowed my morning meds, said another quick prayer of thanks and headed for the kitchen to feed Eddy and make that all important first cup of brew.

Despite my aching legs, I did my morning workout routine whilst Eddy ate, and the coffee’s rich aroma wafted throughout the house giving me just a thread of hope for a better day.

Sitting at my desk, sipping my coffee I had to admit I did feel some better and decided the day would be a success whether my body wanted to get on with the program or not.

When my friend picked me up for the store a little later, I was beginning to think I might just make it. Yeah, I was feeling a bit stressed about my daughter coming after all this time but it was what I wanted and so I pushed the feelings of fear and inadequacy out of my head, knowing those were just idiot voices from long ago and made the firm decision that I would accomplish all needing done and when they arrived, we would have the most perfect visit ever.

Armed with my grocery list, I made my way inside with the help of my friend and thought of how glorious it would be when I had a Seeing Eye® Guide Dog again so I could go my own way.

Once I’d gotten paired with someone to assist the hope I had for a relaxing enjoyable time of shopping began to wane. The first thing I noted was that the store was in total chaos. Displays were jumbled, things were moved round, and it soon became apparent that even the staff didn’t have a clue where things were in the store.

Adding to the chaos, the girl helping me didn’t seem to have any idea whatsoever what totally blind meant. First, she let me roll into someone because she didn’t tell me she’d let go of the cart she was supposed to be guiding. Then, she kept saying things like, “Let’s turn this way.” Rather than saying left or right. And even worse, when we got to the deli so I could pick up sliced turkey breast and cheese she began talking to the lady behind the counter for me as if it were my mouth that did not work.

This infuriates me to no end and so, whacking my cane loudly on the cart in frustration and talking overtop her I said, “Excuse me, I’ll tell her.” And turning to the counter, gave my order for sliced turkey breast and cheddar cheese.”

Finally, after nearly 45 minutes and a lot of twists and turns we were making our way to the checkout and then, to my dismayed disbelief things got worse.

The checkout girl did not listen to me when I told her to put all the items on the counter, ring them up and when it gave the balance, pay first with the EBT card and then pay the remaining balance with my debit card. Instead, she rang everything up as two orders and even the bag boy questioned her. Worse, the two women stood their whispering about me as if I were not there and it took all my self-control not to reach out and knock their heads together.

When we walked over for me to sit and wait the fool girl said, “The chairs are over there.” And pointed. Again, I mustered up my self-control and squashed the urge to ask if her mother had any children that actually lived. By this time, I was sweating, feeling like I’d run a marathon and was seriously considering popping the top of one of the bottles of beer I’d bought right then and there and daring anyone to tell me no.

Instead, I sat down, took off the bloody mask which by now was suffocating me, stuffed it into my pocket and began to take deep breaths of the cool air drifting in through the opening and closing doors at the front a few feet away.

Soon, thanks to all I can do on my phone, I lost myself in my work and after a time began to relax.

Once home, I began to put away groceries and as I did, saw I’d left something outside and headed back through the door to retrieve it. When the door, which was unknown to me somehow damaged fell all the way open rather than closing behind me as I went out Eddy decided to take that moment to make a break for it.

“Damn it! Cat! You get back here right now or else I’ll make bacon out of you.” I demanded. Just then, a loud car went roaring passed and Eddy, thinking the worst car monster on earth was hard on his heels went meowing underneath the deck.

“Blast and botheration!” I swore and crawling on my hands and knees went after him.

Kneeling by the back steps I reached quickly under and was just able to grasp a good-sized portion of his tail and though I hated doing it I pulled the little brat out.

Once in my arms he allowed me to carry him back inside and as I tumbled him unceremoniously into the Great and Powerful chair he squalled as if to say, “How could you put me out there like that?” And for a moment I considered throwing him right back out the door.

Finally, it was time for my community call, and I was looking forward to some good discussions about books and anything else which might pop up and lo and behold, I couldn’t get into the room! Frustrated did not quite qualify me but finally with the help of our unflappable and most patient coordinator I was in and the call began.

Now, all this time, we’d had some strange conversation taking place on the Writer’s GV group I run and due to my emotions running high and my ability to think straight gone for parts unknown I didn’t recognize that someone’s account had been hacked, but thankfully another group member was on the ball and soon wrote to the group to let us in on the trouble.

Feeling like the biggest most noisome heel on planet I reached out to my group member, let her know of the problem and soon it was fixed.

She, I must say was very understanding but with that final debacle I found I could go no further.

Taking a beer from the frig and snatching my cat off the bookshelf I headed for the refuge of my blanket and the Great and Powerful chair and there I sat for a half hour or so sipping a beer and having a slight meltdown.

Prince Edward rubbed his head against my tear-streaked face and purred lovingly in my ear until my tears gave way to a smile and slowly the tension of the day dwindled away.

So, here I am sitting in the quietude of the evening with Eddy purring in the window, and finally, I am at peace.

Today is yesterday’s tomorrow and tomorrow is another day. I’ve got very few things to do to get myself completely ready for my family reunion and so for the rest of this day I am just going to take care of me.

Until next time this is Prince Edward, A.K.A. Sweet Eddy and Patty saying…

May Harmony find You and when it does, please send some to me.

blessid be.